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hooker with a heart of gold
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[03 Nov 2009|01:04am] |
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am i the only person that still thinks the shins are kinda rad?
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[17 Aug 2009|12:48am] |
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mood |
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 embarrassed |
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at a house show/party tonight, a group of girls walk by me and giggle "O.M.G he so looks like emile hirsch!"
uh.
EGO BOOST TO THE MAXXXXX
i should grow my beard back
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[13 Aug 2009|02:09am] |
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dont get me wrong, i'm pretty much mostly totally homosexual.
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[11 Aug 2009|06:09pm] |
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mood |
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i really suck at bioshock!
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[24 Jul 2009|10:14am] |
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mood |
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i'm being totally crazy. apparently my own personal brand of grief is potentially debilitating immaturity, impulsive unwise decisions. like not showing up for work today. i was supposed to get the entire weekend off, but they scheduled me the silly shift of 11-2. hopefully they will understand or not care. i have a plan of 'believing i didnt work today', but i'm being real absurd about it right now, cant bring myself to even call.
a really good friend of mine, colin, had been feeling numb for a couple weeks. as in, half his body felt numb. he went to the doctor, got an mri, and there was something in his brain. they made him stay overnight at the hospital a few days and ran tests. he has a tumor in the center of his brain. it's inoperable. they are going to do a biopsy, figure out what it is exactly, and figure out the best treatment.
to say i'm worried would be an understatement. i unfortunately am the sort of person that assumes the worst. luckily they let him leave the hospital, so he has a week to hang out and do whatever before the biopsy. after spending a couple days getting way too drunk and surrounding myself with people, i feel like doing the opposite. dr. jonny prescribes alone time. hopefully nothing negative will come about my impulsive disregard for work, but fuck i don't really care. i'm being pretty illogical right now. i should watch some star trek, be influenced by the ways of the vulcan.
my spacebar is acting up and it is seriously about to drive me mad. took me way longer than it should to write this.
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[16 Jul 2009|04:50pm] |
for the past few days, ive been feeling out of it/down in the dumps/weary, as though some shit storm is about to blow through richmond. it turns out i was right.
cliff is coming back for a visit. cliff, the guy who i thought was a great friend, who owes my current roomate close to 3000 dollars and has warrants out for his arrest here in richmond. he's also an all around crazy person. something very 90210 is going to happen this weekend, i can feel it in my bones.
i would say that this sort of thing happens a lot- me feeling a sense of foreboding and depression a couple days before something catastrophic, but i dont believe in that kind of thing. bad things also frequently take me by complete surprise. i hope i'm wrong, maybe this weekend is what cliff, ryan, everyone that feels affected by cliffs swift disappearance need. the past few months it was easy to hate him, i never thought he would come back. now that he is, my high horses legs feel wobbly. we've all made mistakes, god knows i have. if hes here to try to make amends, i wouldnt reject him. it's been real hot outside this week, like a storm is brewing, ready to break. the sky'll explode but it'll cool everything off.
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[30 Jun 2009|05:16pm] |
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music |
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sunset rubdown |
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life is much more pleasant when i am oblivious to my surroundings. i have an impressive ability to not pay attention to what's right in front of me- moldy plates, dirt on the floor, popsicle wrappers, an assortment of empty and half-full beer cans, etc. every once in a while reality penetrates my mental barrier and i become jonny the dirty room slayer, dedicated to destroying the big bad that is my filtiness. this sort of thing happens more frequently than it used to (but still not enough). ONE DAY my room will be consistently habitable enough for me to have guests over and i won't feel the need to say "sorry my room is so disgusting" . one day...
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[14 Jun 2009|09:49am] |
huhh, i just woke up in my roomates bed (alone), and have no idea how/why.
bollywood night ruled. apparently i had too much fun.
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[13 May 2009|01:57pm] |
i just stumbled upon (as in the firefox app) the motherlover video. my mom has a pretty fun sense of humor, but if i were to have sent her that on mothers day it might have put a strain on our relationship. incidentally, the past few weeks i have been listening to pop radio in the car to get an idea where mainstream top 40 culture is at right now. of the 10-12 songs they play over and over, that one with ciara and justin timberlake is one of the few that gets stuck in my head like bubblegum on the brain. timberlake is worthy of ones' jealousy: insane good looks, michael jackson vocal abilities without the creep factor, comedic ability that surpasses most of the snl cast. my worst pop song weakness right now is that jamie foxx song, 'blame it on the alcohol'. every time its on the radio i HAVE to listen to it. one time i even sat in my car after arriving back at the store from a delivery to finish listening to it. i've been trying to decipher what it is exactly that i like about it. the subject matter? the bizarre lazy synth line? perhaps i have a psychological soft spot for all things t-pain.
oh god, i really should have taken summer classes.
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[13 May 2009|01:10pm] |
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3 days off in a row. with no deadlines looming over the horizon, i've found myself wanting to make the most out of the days. yesterday was bike around aimlessly day. it was mostly rewarding, though by the early evening i was hungry and tired and lost interest in engaging in social activity. part 2 of day one became lie in my bed eating triscuit nachos and watch 'the big bang theory'. today i am going to spend at least an hour casually refreshing myself in college algebra and giving buffy, my sexy blue skinned dark elf battlemage some tlc. who knows she might even level up.
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[08 May 2009|01:43pm] |
tentative plans for an ideal world:
work excessively, become the ultimate pizza delivery boy, abruptly quit (...maybe). take the money and run. leave virginia this summer, if even just once. take a full load of classes in the fall, try to be that guy that says "sorry guys, i cant go drink in an alley tonight, i've got homework!" and actually mean it.
not sure why i want to quit dominos so hard. other than having little to no interest in most of the people i work with, wearing my car down, being forced to comply with unnecessary corporate rules (it really grinds my gears!) the work is stable, though. it's a little too easy to take off a week on a whim and have no fear that you won't be on the schedule when you get back. i'll stick with it until something more financially profitable and less soul crushing comes along. maybe i could join the army of white bearded boys with glasses that deliver for china panda. really, i just need to figure out a get rich quick scheme that is only a tiny bit illegal.
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[04 May 2009|01:00am] |
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mood |
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gassy |
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music |
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gay beast |
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fuck drawing crates. scratch that, fuck rendering shit in charcoal as realistically as possible in general. the still life i conjured up last week was too complicated so i've started over, even though its due tomorrow. i should think like today/tonight is the last time i can work on it, especially since i promised rick i would meet up with him tomorrow to be in the music video he's making for john vanderslice. i have no idea what that entails, though he mentioned that he's going to need to shoot me sleeping in a sleeping bag at the river. my new still life is of this little door i found (i think it goes on our electricity box thing) with a scary monster hand emerging from it, and a gnome, a totoro toy and a mother mary statue "guarding" it. i have the very basic outline down, but the devil is in the details.
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[21 Apr 2009|03:49pm] |
if i were to get a lot of schoolwork done today and tomorrow, that makes skipping class today ok. right?
i have a really illogical sense of logic.
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[16 Apr 2009|04:48pm] |
i havent shaved off my unibrow in over a month, the main reason being i dont have any of those cheap razors, and neither does ryan. i haven't kept it all natural since i was 14 probably. it was the only sort of 'manscaping' i ever did. unless it gets straight up bushy and my eyebrows literally become a brow, i think i am done hiding that little tiny part of my persian heritage.
the next few weeks will consist of a pleasant mix of working on my final project (going to take/pick a ridiculous picture of myself and render it in charcoal), working late night on the weekends, excessive amounts of hangage, and mass effect. life is mad decent. ::knocks on wood::
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[17 Mar 2009|03:48pm] |
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mood |
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after calling my mother finding out that my grandfather finally died, i *finally* find the inner mojo to complete the final packing/cleaning out of the soon to be old apartment. i don't understand how my brain works.
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[10 Mar 2009|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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i just went outside again, i thought i heard firetrucks moving. the flock of on-lookers had dissipated, theres some cheesy newscaster with a microphone, it looks like the cameraman set up a nice shot where the charred remains of the houses is fully visible behind the news man reporting on this 'breaking news'. working for local news must really suck.
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[10 Mar 2009|04:24pm] |
my friendly acquaintance/nearby neighbor michaels house was just engulfed in flames.
i borrowed my sisters van yesterday to use for moving purposes; she came by about an hour ago to switch our cars back to its proper owners. she called me when she was outside "hmm, one of your neighbors houses just caught on fire a little bit, oh my god, it's spreading so fast!' the three little houses connected to each other were wholly overwhelmed by the fire. i couldnt bring to stand outside and stare at the chaos for too long, as people were pulling out their iphones to take pictures. from the little information i've gathered i dont think anyone was inside, but if they were... i feel so bad for michael. i went outside again a few minutes ago. there were some ems people with stretchers ready, but they seemed to be standing on the sidelines, available if their services were needed. the crowd doubled in size.
i need to organize/touch up a bunch of projects for my midterm tonight. predictably i'm waiting until the last possible moment to get it done. it's not really an actual 'mid term assignment', he just wants us to have a 'professional' looking portfolio, we'll talk about the progress we've made and the progress he hopes we'll make during the next half of the semester. i'm not looking forward to hearing my grade so far; kinda sorta didn't finish all of my homework assignments. life goes on.
the new house is still pretty rad, except for a few annoying new factors. in between the previous tenants and us, roaches found themselves a new home in the kitchen. those evil, small little roaches that turn the walls/kitchens/bathrooms of peoples houses into their own private large scale mating ground. gross. i heard through the grapevine that the guys that lived there before were impressively filthy. i'm not good with chemicals, they make me nervous, but bombing the place ourselves will be a lot cheaper than hiring an exterminator. also, there is a big rusty heater more or less in the middle of the living room. i SWEAR i didnt notice it the first time i saw the place, but ryan does. it's not a complete travesty, just lame. theres no way to move it, it's connected to some tube like thing on the wall. the best course of action i can think of is never turn it on and makeshift it into a tv stand.
i wonder how long the fire department is going to be here. at the moment it'd be impossible for me to move my car and get to school. i dont need to be there until 745, though. scary neighbor fire would be a good excuse not to show up, but there seriously is no good reason for me to not show up, unless you consider digging my own grave a good reason.
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[02 Mar 2009|05:25pm] |
even though i have consciously been avoiding stuarts drunken flirtations and made the decision that i will no longer entertain any romantic thoughts concerning him, i found myself unreasonably jealous when i heard about this new gay boy chris he met. he's supposed to be 'super cool'. luckily i hid my pettiness well. i might just be jealous that theres another gay guy in the mix that could be cooler than me, who knows. the emotional part of my brain is a complicated place.
every bone in my body, every electrical synapse in my brain is fighting against homework. i have a shit ton of stuff due thursday. and the collective assignments are pretty much a deal-breaker (will i pass? will i fail?). if i get started in a very epic way today, i will be in the clear. i might even be able to take it easy later tonight, if i just got started RIGHT NOW. i have around 25 sketches to do, and a composition in charcoal. it's not even that much work, compared to a *real* college students work load. i thought getting an education was what i wanted, but now i'm not so sure. it is what i want, i just can't seem to discipline myself. whatever. my painting class last semester spoiled me. Ed King was an easy going professor, even though i didnt complete all of my assignments and had a dodgy attendance record, i made a lot of personal progress, which he noticed. In any *real* art class i would have gotten a big ol F. it's different, though. especially with these art classes, it's not art school. most of us have barely any art experience at all, and have no plans to pursue an art degree. even though i'm finding the work and my progress rewarding, there is very little chance i will be pursuing art at college once i get my associates degree. i haven't taken any classes that i need to finish my associates in over a year. so what am i doing? wasting time? i am the master of wasting time. thinking of it that way, doing homework doesn't seem so bad after all.
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[12 Feb 2009|05:33pm] |
the pc has traded places with the console in my heart. i am not sure how this happened. perhaps it is because i have run out of things to play on my ps2 and gamecube, perhaps its because it is far easier to get fun games for free on the pc. but even now, as i'm re-playing the frozen throne expansion, i am finding myself at a crossroads. i'm going to run out of games to play soon. downloading games is dodgy and only reliable when you are looking for games that came out almost a decade ago. and admittedly, i am enjoying a lot of games i played in the past now more than i did then. i didn't have a very keen grasp on the nuances of real time strategy while playing starcraft in 6th grade. i've matured! or i'm retrograding, depending on your perspective.
you, the reader, might be thinking "what a fucking cheap skate, just buy pc games if you want them!" good point. but to counter point- my computer is almost as old as the frozen throne expansion. half the time it wigs out on me while i'm just trying to surf the net. trust me, i adore the near instant gratification of paying for and downloading games off direct2drive.com or other similiar sites. one of the finer things in life. but at this point the fear of a game i paid for and downloaded not working overwhelms my desire to play spore or the witcher. i also don't currently have a bank account, so no check card. why am i defending myself to you anyway? this is my journal!!
man, i really should be doing homework.
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[05 Feb 2009|08:54am] |
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mood |
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blah |
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my mother and i rarely talk in literals. but when she said "grandpa has lost 5 pounds this week, so..." then trailing off to tell me about how tired she is after taking my brother back and forth from soccer practice then making dinner, i knew exactly what she meant.
we've all been expecting him to pass on for almost 2 years now, but now that it's probably going to happen soon, i feel very (i cant think of a better word than) disconcerted. it's not like i'm all that close to my grandfather. he was always this distant figure in my life. someone whose house we would stay at occasionally when visiting north carolina, a character from many of my mothers stories from the past.
he's my last living grand parent. i think this fact, and worrying about the emotional state of my mom, as well as the fact that this situation is forcing me to think about how one day i will be in the same situation many (hopefully VERY many) years from now with my own parents leaves me feeling... for lack of a better word, weird. it's far too early in the morning to be thinking about such heavy stuff. though being up this early is strange in itself for me. it's been a while since i've seen you, morning sun, except for the times when i see you right before falling asleep.
i should be finishing my homework like i planned. for the past hour i've been doing everything but. sooo happy that the copy of frozen throne stuart gave me isn't working. it's not recognizing the original warcraft 3 game already on my computer for some reason, and i seemed to have misplaced that cd. a blessing in disguise.
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jonny_esque's journal